Frequently asked questions about mediation and divorce
General information about mediation
The most frequently asked questions regarding a divorce:
1. What is the difference between a mediator and a lawyer?
A lawyer represents the interests of one party and can initiate legal proceedings. A mediator is independent and helps both parties reach agreements together. The goal is to reach joint solutions without going to court. Mediation is often faster, cheaper, and less burdensome than legal proceedings. Moreover, the parties retain control over the agreements reached, rather than having a judge make a decision.
2. Can I get a divorce without a lawyer?
Yes, that is possible. In mediation, one independent mediator guides both parties. If you reach agreements together, the mediator can arrange the divorce through the court, without you each needing your own lawyer.
3. Is mediation mandatory in a divorce?
No, mediation is not mandatory. However, more and more people are opting for it because it is often faster, cheaper, and less burdensome than legal proceedings. Judges do encourage mediation, particularly in divorce cases, because it often leads to sustainable solutions and less escalation. This is, of course, also in the best interest of any children involved.
4. What is cheaper: a mediator or a lawyer?
In most cases, mediation is cheaper than a divorce with two lawyers. You work together on a single solution, which usually results in lower costs.
Costs and duration
5. How much does mediation cost in a divorce?
The costs depend on your situation and the number of sessions required. This will be clearly discussed in advance during an introductory meeting, so that you know what to expect.
6. Who pays for the mediation?
In most cases, both parties pay the costs of the mediation together. We agree in advance on exactly how this will be divided. This is often done 50/50, but a different distribution is also possible.
In some situations, the costs can be (partially) offset against the agreements regarding the divorce, or there is entitlement to subsidized legal aid (legal aid grant), depending on income.
This is always clearly discussed during the introductory meeting, so that you know what to expect beforehand.
7. How long does a divorce via mediation take?
On average, a mediation process takes a few weeks to a few months. The duration depends on how quickly you reach agreements together.
Mediation process
8. How does mediation work in a divorce?
During mediation, you discuss together all matters that need to be settled, such as children, finances, and the home. The mediator guides the conversation and helps to record the agreements.
9. What happens if mediation fails?
If you are unable to reach an agreement together, you can always choose to hire a lawyer or initiate legal proceedings. Everything discussed during mediation remains confidential.
10. Is mediation confidential?
Yes, everything discussed during mediation is confidential. This creates a safe environment to speak openly.
11. Do I need to be on good terms with my ex to get started?
No, that is not necessary. However, it is important that both parties are willing to enter into a dialogue.
Children and parenthood
12. I am worried about my children after the divorce. What can I do?
That concern is very understandable. A divorce is profound for children, but with good agreements, parents can provide a great deal of peace and stability. During mediation, the children are the focus. The mediator helps the parents make joint agreements that offer clarity.
13. How are the interests of the children taken into account?
We discuss the division of care, upbringing, communication, and practical arrangements together. These are recorded in a parenting plan.
14. Should children be involved in the mediation?
That depends on the situation and the age of the children. Sometimes children are heard in an appropriate manner, but always with care for their well-being.
15. What is a parenting plan?
A parenting plan is a mandatory document in which parents record agreements regarding the care, upbringing, and communication about the children after the divorce.
Financial and alimony
16. I am afraid that I cannot pay the child support. What can I do?
Child support is always calculated based on ability to pay: what you can actually afford after deducting reasonable expenses. During mediation, we seek a fair and feasible arrangement that suits your financial situation.
17. How is spousal maintenance determined?
Spousal maintenance is determined based on statutory guidelines, need, and ability to pay. A reasonable and workable agreement is sought together.
Other situations
18. What if my partner does not want to cooperate with mediation?
Mediation is voluntary. If the other party does not wish to participate, other legal steps can be taken.
19. Can mediation also be done online?
Yes, mediation can also take place online via a secure video connection. This is convenient for distance, busy schedules, or international situations.
